It happens for a reason I know, but this reason it hurts me a lot..

To those who had broken their heart, I know how you feel. Empty, betrayed and no happiness and whatsoever. You don't want to laugh, because you know it's not going to help, but you don't want to cry either because it will make you feel even worse. You feel like your heart is falling apart, but not only that, you know soon your life is going to feel like it's falling apart too. You don't think it will ever end and no matter what this person has done you, it feels impossible to stop loving them. and everyone wonders why if they have hurt you so much, then why do you still love them. That's the confusing part, you don't know why, you just do and the people who hurt you the most are the people you love the most. And then after a few weeks, you finally feel a sense of relief, like you're getting happy again but you know inside that you're going into denial. And after a few more weeks, you're back to where you were an empty soul and teary years. You thought you got over him, but really you just stopped showing it. It leaves a deep scars on your heart that are there forever. And no one understands how you feel and how deep you get hurt, no matter who they are because it hasn't happened to them and even if it has, every broken heart is different. They don't know the true pain until you feel and carry each and everyday now, so you learn that basically you are alone with all this. And the feeling starts to overwhelm you, and suddenly you break down, right there because you ,you've had enough, the tears just instantly start flowing and you're to the point where you don't care who see's because you've spent many nights lying awake in bed, and so many days haunted by the scars and fear of rejection. and in the midst of all these tears, you know its not helping any and it's not going to bring them back, if you ever even had them in the first place. After about a million tears have been cried, you finally pull yourself together and keep going. And this is the hardest part of all, moving on.. I am moving on, it takes time but definitely I am moving on

p/s : You know am acting like am fine but it kills me so much. You throw away my love for her. So here I realize that there's no point waiting for you nor loving you anymore. I threw away all the gifts, cards, dresses you got me, the notes that we wrote to each other , I threw them away. I deleted our album, those pictures we took together, I deleted it. I don't need those memories that is not going to give me anything else other than a heart break. You deserve to be happy and I hope your choice this time is the one for you. I wish and I am really wishing this that I never wanna see you again! EVER!!! 

-Instead of making me happy,

it's just messing up my life. 

So fuck love I don't need it in my life-

-Kausy-

The end of semester..

hey people :)) am back after three months..!!

so a quick update about what I did for the past 3 months..I took 5 subjects this semester that is virology ( studies about viruses and bacterias) , Clinical Biochemistry ( so far the best and my most favourite  subject in my degree life. basically we study about the overall about humans diseases and the biochemical test and stuffss ), Microbiology ( studies about microbes of cause, a little bit about viruses and bacteria's, second most favourite subject especially during the practical time, you are given the chance to play with the microorganisms you know ), Neurobiology ( studies about human's brain and their associated diseases and some biochem related stuffs) and finally Interpersonal Communication ( no comment ) .So semester was going on all well till last month. Finals just ended two days ago..Did my best and leave the rest to god's hand. I just hope i'll get through this semester. I'll be doing my internship in Specialist Centre, Ipoh on the 1st of october for 3 months. Hope that i'll learn a lot during this internship :)

So yeah about the 'bad' part is that hmmmmm I've lost that person that I shouldn't have let go in the first place, but things happens don't they. Misunderstandings, arguments that has no solution at all and main culprit is the egoness. Seriously guys and their egoness really drives me crazy. Do they have PMS like us too?? well anyways a small note for that person, if you read this post I just want you to know this " What makes you think that you know whats best for me? Walking away from " this " is really not the best thing to do!! Fighting for this is!! " !! And you keep blaming yourself for all the things  that happened, okay not all but yes you did! and FYI those blaming part will never help you to solve any problems!! Unfortunately, you left. And if you think that I was the one whom left you , I left because you didn't ask me to stay , but I can't really tell if it's killing me or making me stronger. I was having finals and all you did is made me to take such a decision and in the end making up a situation where I am the one to be blamed. I did not want this, you asked for it and remember I told you, if you want it you have to face the consequences. Don't blame me if there's no more spark, you know what I meant. BUT I really do hope that one day you will realize what you mean to me, because I honestly don't think you have the slightest clue and by that time I would have been gone.....

I actually started to write this post on the 21st September 2012 around 8pm when I received a call, a call that made me to burst into tears, a call that made me to feel like the world is not fair at all.. a call that kills me from the inside...and I stop writing the post and today 26th September 2012 I continue writing and this is what happened..

Few days back, 21st September 2012, I lost someone dear to me, someone who were there for me all the time, someone whom doesn't fail to give me hope and strength, someone whom always believed that I can do and achieve my dreams.. Priya. All I ever wished you were still here and that is all I want, but I guess god loves you more, loves you more than anyone else. Rest in peace priya. If I want I can write a lot of things about you, but I don't want to do that. Let those memories being with you, be with me... I love you so much. You thought me the pain of losing a friend in my life and I don't wana feel and go through the pain again.. :'( Priya, you know your last post in your blog you mentioned about your anniversary with Austin on 14th July and you mentioned 23rd September indeed another day to be remembered? I never thought it would be the day you'll leave all of us dey..I miss you so much and I know you are happy there with all the angels up there in the heaven. One day we shall meet bitchu and I miss you calling me with that name..

P/s: I learnt a lesson, I am in the point of my life whereby I am going to see many of my loved one leaving me, many more heartbreaks to see and feel . Right now all I wish is to be a kid again because skinned knees are a lot easier to fix than a broken heart :|

- Kausy-

- heartbreak is not something easy to handle-

- I miss her alot-

Every scar I have, makes me who I am today.

yello ;P

Semester break is going on..
2 weeks of break just passed like that..Left another one more week.
emoing : Most of the time I fail in whatever things I do,hurts me allot, it leaves behind lots of scars but beyond all that I am trying my level best to stand up and fight the challenges that is ahead of me to achieve the goals that I have set.
Almost all of my friends , doing their Industrial Training except for few of us, including me. Felt so bad and left out actually but hey Everything Happens For A Reason aite. So I'm just going along the flow..

 " You will shine" 

 the sentence that my Father once told me, 

that'll always lift up my confidence level :) Love u dad.

Last semester was all great till at one point "someone broke the trust that I've on him/her". You know when Once the TRUST is betrayed, it's impossible to restore it completely. As one man said: " I have forgiven the thief who stole something from me, but I must admit that when he visits me, I always keep and eye on my silver spoons.." Remember: "Some things will never be the same again..."
and a small piece of advise for everyone including you! : Four things never come back, the Spoken word, the Wasted time, the Past life and the Neglected opportunity. So next time before you do something think TWICE and WISE!!

Few days ago had some misunderstanding with a close friend of mine. Just wanted to tell you, I hope you'll accept me the way I am as how I'm accepting you :) #ThatIsAllImAskingFromYou :)

And the other day I was chatting with Eleng and I told her something that even I did not realize that till yesterday and so far I've never told anyone about it. Part of the things I told her:  .."I'm a type of person that do not have any fancy dreams about my life, It's like I always think that If its meant to happen it'll happen and vice verse. I'm a person whom goes along the flow of my life. Like so many things had happened through this year and everything had happen for a reason and when you sit back and think about every single event you'll realize every single thing that had happened have its own connection with each other"..
So yeah why did I talk bout this in the first place? * scratching my head* LOL
naa just let it be there.. ;P

And Yeah I have something to tell to all the MEN out there :
If you're the type of guy who thinks she's "all yours", but you take her for granted and fail to show her  she's important, how long you think she's gonna be with you? I guarantee there is a man out there that is waiting for you to slip up...think bout it. ( Note: Being a great father is NOT the same and doesn't count as showing her she's important. It shows you are dedicated to your kids-which is GREAT! - but that isn't about her..


Before i leave there is ONE more thing I would wanna share : Dedicating to all the twitter maniacs including me :P

tweet : My apartment,It burns. I must leave the building! 

-Results will be out in a weeks time.   

I  did my best and the rest is in god's hand.

crossing my finger! 

-kausy-

Day05- A time you thought about ending your own life..

hmmmmm..

i had the contemplation bout it once and very sure everyone would have at least once thought bout it..
Its because of someting that i told myself to forget bout but act i could not..
Its very easy for everyone to advise people to forget the past and move one...its not easy..trust me! its not!
Some Memories Neva Fade...

well coming to the topic..i always tell myself that ending your own life is actually the most stupidst thing eva one can do.. i mean there are so many things one can do other than ending their life right..basicly they never think about their family..how would they accept the loss and stuffs...
but in the end i understand why people do take this kind of decision..

I've gone tru it and this what made me to almost end my life..
to much depression that i cant even handle.someone that broke my heart after all the promises he made. and that particular time i have no one to speak too.couldnt concentrate on my studies.my grades were fallin down the drain.i was too afraid to confess to my parents about what im going tru.i was scared that they cant accept it. Too many problems at home and with friends. at one point i thought to myself that there is no use of me living in these world because no one ever understand what im going trough. that one day i texted that someone afta so long telling him that i really coudlnt move on in my life and that i need him back.. and that im afraid that i'll do someting stupid like ending my own life...and what he sed was he asked me to move on and that there will b some other guy for me..well thats not the answer that i was expecting and that answer from him really broke my heart into pieces and made me to  realize that he had moved on and was happy with some other woman.

And  i told myself that i have all the rights to be happy too..
but i always wish that you'll give me one more chance..hmmmmm

Well whateva it is we got to move on aite..thats what i did too with a heavy heart..
This how i almost end my precious life...

- week 2 is approaching-

-lab praticals gonna start-